I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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