i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
