After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
