I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
