i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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