My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
