She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
