one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
