tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is my gift to your gina
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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