Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
