Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
