its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
