dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
