Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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