I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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