you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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