Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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