Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
