No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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