Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
