NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
