i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
