Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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