I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Duck Duck Cougar?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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