whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
