I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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