Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
