Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
