The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
