I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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