My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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