I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
