I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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