i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
