I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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