This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
