I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
