so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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