My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
