I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
