Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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