Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
