someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize