Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
