He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
