I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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