Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
