'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
