You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
