all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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