it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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