I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
