I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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