Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
