wat bout pragnant strippers??
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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