I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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