The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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