Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
