Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
