i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
