so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
