I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
