I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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