mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
