am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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