I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
