We're like a lot better than the average bears
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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