Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
