we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
