you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
