took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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