Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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