Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
