I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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