On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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