So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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