Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
