my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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